His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize