Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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