May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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