Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
