Im at strip club and am horny
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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