she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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