I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize