chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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