Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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