We won't sleep together?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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