wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
