omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
