We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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