Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
