ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
