God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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