dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
