Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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