i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
