watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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