i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
