i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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