If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
