Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
