I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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