She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
