my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
