Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
