Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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