Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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