it wasn't lemon gatorade
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
