Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
