someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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