You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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