Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
