puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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