I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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