that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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