When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
