Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
