I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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