i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
