I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
