She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
