need another drink. this is the easiest way
no, he came in my armpit
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize