dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize