he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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