oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
