She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
