Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
