and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
