so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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