Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
