I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
