I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
