Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
