this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
