you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize