New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
