if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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