I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Boobs speak an international language.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
