I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Blood and glitter go together right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
