my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
