I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
