I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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