btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
