You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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