Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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