I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
