czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
