uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
